BREAKING: Obama embraces new role as head of Black Panthers

OAKLAND, CA – With the establishment media running an aggressive “Russian spy novel” disinformation campaign against President-Elect Donald Trump, lame duck President Obama has reportedly held secret meetings to re-establish the Black Panther Party.

“The Secret Service told everyone to get out,” said Jerome Reynolds, a patron of Open Source, a gay and lesbian variety club heavily frequented by African-American guests. “They said we had five minutes. I spent $14 to see the drag show -money down the toilet.”

According to Reynolds and other eyewitnesses, Obama entered the rear of the club flanked by bodyguards close to 9:30 PM with Bobby Seale, 80, who co-founded the Black Panther Party in 1969.

The Secret Service allowed bar staff to remain. One bartender speaking anonymously said Obama had “a Michelob Light” and Seale “just had water” before discussing what sounded like efforts to establish a private police force for African-Americans.

“We can’t trust white policemen and women. The killing of our people must stop, and it will only stop if we arm and protect ourselves in an organized, meaningful fashion,” said Obama.

Seale apparently agreed. “With [Obama] on board, we can leverage our community leaders to establish funds nationwide – funds for weapons, body armor, and later armored vehicles and military style rifles.”

Obama added, “We need to embrace the tactics used against our country. You can learn a lot from ISIL. We need to train our black brothers and sisters in urban warfare right here at home.”

Obama finished with a jab against American police in general. “I’m not sure if you’ve seen your average police officer lately, but they’re a bit corpulent,” Obama joked. “I mean, everybody loves Bojangles but you can’t eat it every day.”

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